I know I have never written a letter to you before, or even really acknowledged you are here...but today I write to you to tell you how happy and grateful I am that you exist.
I've never seen your face, at least not as I see my own in the mirror each morning. I've never experienced your scent, not the way I can still conjure the mixture of Irish Spring soap, pressed powder, and geraniums that was my grandmothers house. I've never held your hand as I do a child's, or touched your skin as I have the body of someone I love. I cannot hear you sing, and I do not know the shape of your smile, but I know when you are not there.
For everything I do not know about you, that is what you know of me. This must be true, because when we are together, when you come into me, you never lead me astray. If I let you in to rearrange the furniture to your liking, you always direct me in the best direction. Regardless of best, most, peak of ability or form, it is always exactly what I need to learn.
You make me high. You drive me. You move so quickly, so elegantly, that sometimes all I can do is laugh...or cry. This usually causes me to abandon words, surrendering to deeper communications that are both more accurate and less specific. Thank you.
Sometimes you paralyze me and disarm all I have built only to show me how to walk into the fire while acknowledging the pain and coming out the other side exhausted and fragile with altered composition.
It is then that I grow. A seed germinating in volcanic ash. It just goes.
When you leave, I morn you. I find you, and once again I have found myself.
You are my greatest inspiration. You create through sabotage and encouragement, enthusiasm and chaos.
Sometimes you never shut up and I simply cannot chase you. You expand and touch every part of me, as air can, and I am overwhelmed by our relation.
You know all of this, because you never really go away. I will act like I do not want you but really, I need you everyday.
You are why I breathe.
You are why I love.
You are why I make.
You make me strong and fearless and I trust you with all that I am.
What's past is past. I will never stop trying for you.